CHAPTER FIFTEEN

An Old Sword

Mathilde did not come to dinner that night, and in the evening she did not look at Julien. She'll tell me why, he thought. She has an unfriendly face. She's not the same woman as last night.

The next day and the next day after, she was the same. Maybe she hates me, he thought. It would be reasonable for her to regret our love, since I'm just a peasant. These thoughts were so different from his love with Mrs de Rênal.

I have a master! Mathilde said to herself. She hated the sound of the word. He has control over me, and if he wanted to hurt me he could hurt me badly.

Julien followed her to the garden. She stopped him and said, "You have a strong hold on me. You will speak to me even though I don't want to speak to you."

"I will keep our love secret," Julien said. "I'll even add that I will never say another word to you, if you want." He bowed respectfully and left.

That night Julien realized that he did love her, and he was almost in tears. In two days he decided to leave for Languedoc. He went to the library to find Marquis de la Mole, but instead he found Mathilde. She was cruel to him, but he could not be strong. "So you don't love me any more," he said.

"I can't believe I gave myself to the first man who came along," she said, weeping with shame.

His suffering increased when he saw her tears of shame, and he ran to an old sword the marquis had hung on the wall. He drew the sword and turned to Mathilde. She was so surprised by this that her tears stopped and she moved proudly towards Julien.

Me, kill the marquis' daughter! Julien thought. He looked at the old sword, and then he calmly placed it back on the wall. Julien turned to look at her. All the hate had left her face.

I was about to be killed by my lover! Mathilde was amazed. This was like a story of old France! I might become weak, she thought, and she fled.

Goodness, she's beautiful, Julien thought. This is the same girl who threw herself into my arms less than a week ago. Those times will never return!

Who can I talk to? He thought. Father Pirard won't help me, and Count Altamira would tell me to enter a conspiracy.

Who can guide me? What will become of me?

(end of section)